<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u201c<\/b>Bunca yolu y\u00fcr\u00fcyerek mi t\u00fcm ihtimallerin sonuna gelmi\u015ftim? \u0130lk ad\u0131m\u0131m\u0131 att\u0131\u011f\u0131m an\u0131 an\u0131ms\u0131yorum. Alacakaranl\u0131kt\u0131. Ad\u0131mlar\u0131m\u0131 bir ko\u015fuya d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcrd\u00fck\u00e7e karanl\u0131\u011fa g\u00f6m\u00fclmekte oldu\u011fumu anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Yeni s\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f, kabart\u0131lm\u0131\u015f topra\u011f\u0131yla ekime haz\u0131r bir tarlada ikide bir t\u00f6kezlemeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Art\u0131k \u00e7evremi g\u00f6remez olmu\u015ftum. Durdum. Olduk\u00e7a uzun bir zaman\u0131 uyuklayarak ge\u00e7irmi\u015ftim. Sanki topra\u011f\u0131n o s\u0131cak nemini i\u00e7ime \u00e7ekerek durmadan k\u00f6k salan, g\u00fc\u00e7lenen tohumdum ben. \u00d6ylesine mutluydum ki, uyan\u0131nca y\u00fcr\u00fcyebilecek miyim kayg\u0131s\u0131 akl\u0131ma bile gelmemi\u015fti. \u015eu ayak bast\u0131\u011f\u0131m yeni d\u00fcnyada soluk al\u0131p vermeyi \u00f6\u011frenmem gerekiyor; becerebilecek miydim? Yoksa ana rahminin o uykuya \u00e7a\u011f\u0131ran kucaklay\u0131c\u0131 ritmiyle ad\u0131mlar atma denemelerini s\u00fcrd\u00fcrmekle mi yetinecektim?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 Beni ayakta tutan o \u0131l\u0131k ortamd\u0131. Ondan yakam\u0131 kurtaram\u0131yordum. \u00c7ocuklu\u011fumu yeniden ya\u015fama iste\u011fi t\u00fcm benli\u011fimi ele ge\u00e7irmi\u015fti. \u201c\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 T\u0131rnak i\u00e7ine ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m yukar\u0131daki s\u00f6ylemi, y\u0131llar \u00f6nce kendi g\u00fcncelerim aras\u0131na yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 an\u0131ms\u0131yorum. Ne var ki, kay\u0131tlar\u0131ma ge\u00e7en bu yaln\u0131zl\u0131k yak\u0131nmas\u0131n\u0131 bug\u00fcn ne denli benimsiyorum bilemem. Zaman i\u00e7inde kimlerle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 do\u011fru zamanlamayla nas\u0131l belgeleyece\u011f\u0131m? CD kay\u0131tlar\u0131na ya da sayfalara d\u00f6ksem mi, diyorum. Olmad\u0131 ta Mezopotamya’dan ba\u015flayan toplumsal izlerimize g\u00f6ndermeler yapsam m\u0131 bilemiyorum. Nerede oldu\u011fumu kestirebilsem, kar\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0131k\u0131veren t\u00fcm sorulara birer yan\u0131t verebilece\u011fim. Co\u011frafyan\u0131n ge\u00e7ite izin verdi\u011fi bir\u00e7ok kap\u0131s\u0131 var. Kafkasya, Balkanlar, Akdeniz k\u0131y\u0131lar\u0131 bir\u00e7ok insan toplulu\u011funa kap\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi, kimilerine de yurt olmad\u0131 m\u0131? B\u00f6yle d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcnce, arada bir kap\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u015fu\u00a0 ac\u0131nas\u0131 terkedilmi\u015flik duygusu, \u00e7ok b\u00fcy\u00fck bir bencilli\u011fe boyun e\u011fmek de\u011fil midir?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 Bakal\u0131m bu kez yolum daha nerelere \u00e7\u0131kacak.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 Bamba\u015fka bir yerk\u00fcreye indi\u011fimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. En iyisi her \u015feyi ba\u015ftan deneyerek yeni ya\u015fama y\u00f6ntemleri geli\u015ftirmek olacakt\u0131. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc belle\u011fimi yitirmi\u015f gibiydim. An\u0131lar\u0131m neredeyse silinip gitmi\u015fti. Geriye kalan an\u0131 k\u0131r\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 hangi yakla\u015f\u0131m\u0131mla ve neyle ba\u011flant\u0131l\u0131 k\u0131labilirdim? \u00d6yle ya, kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m insanlar\u0131n yarg\u0131s\u0131, \u00e7ok karars\u0131z oldu\u011fum y\u00f6n\u00fcndeydi. \u201c \u015eimdiye kadar neredeymi\u015f; \u015fimdi mi kendisine ait bir gelece\u011fi kurgulamak akl\u0131na gelmi\u015f?\u201d i\u015fte b\u00fct\u00fcn bu sorular, hi\u00e7 pe\u015fimi b\u0131rakmayacak gibiydi.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u201cNerelerdesin? Kurtar beni! \u201c \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duyar gibi oldu\u011fum anda, b\u00fct\u00fcn alg\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 d\u0131\u015f evrene kapat\u0131verdim. Bu sorularla daha \u00f6nce de y\u00fcz y\u00fcze geldi\u011fimi an\u0131msam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Ama bir ba\u015fkal\u0131k vard\u0131; ses daha sevecendi; azarlar gibi y\u00fcre\u011fime korku salm\u0131yordu.\u00a0 Bunun hi\u00e7 yarar\u0131 oldu mu, derseniz, ne gezer;\u00a0 b\u00fct\u00fcn anlam kaymalar\u0131, ileti\u015fim ve bilgi aktar\u0131m\u0131 hatlar\u0131m\u0131, ba\u011flant\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 yar\u0131 yar\u0131ya kilitlemi\u015fti.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 Benimle bulu\u015fmak isteyen kimdi? Bir yerle\u015fim yerine ula\u015fmak amac\u0131yla izledi\u011fim k\u0131y\u0131dan bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceyle ayr\u0131ld\u0131m.\u00a0 \u00d6yle ya, eski \u00e7a\u011flarda k\u0131y\u0131lar g\u00fcvenli\u011fi olmayan yerler olarak tan\u0131mlan\u0131rd\u0131. Gece karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 iyice bast\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, korsanlar denizden gelerek o bal\u0131k\u00e7\u0131 evlerinde ya\u015fayanlar\u0131 tutsak al\u0131rlard\u0131. Gen\u00e7 kad\u0131nlar hemen esir pazar\u0131nda sat\u0131\u015fa \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131l\u0131r; erkeklerin g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc ve sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 olanlar\u0131 k\u00fcrek\u00e7i forsa olarak kad\u0131rgalarda y\u00fcksek bedelle prangaya vurulurlard\u0131.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 Yumu\u015fak kum y\u0131\u011f\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131na saplan\u0131p kalmamak i\u00e7in emekleyerek onlar\u0131 a\u015fmak iste\u011fi ile \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131n\u0131yordum. Bir yandan da duyabildi\u011fim o \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 yan\u0131tlamak i\u00e7in, \u201c Buraday\u0131m!\u201d\u00a0 diye var g\u00fcc\u00fcmle hayk\u0131r\u0131yordum.\u00a0 \u0130lerledik\u00e7e a\u015fa\u011f\u0131daki denize kadar ye\u015fil ya\u015fam alan\u0131n\u0131 geni\u015fleten orman i\u00e7inde y\u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fc bulamaz duruma geldi\u011fimin ay\u0131rd\u0131na varm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.\u00a0 Art\u0131k sesleri de, kokular\u0131 da izleyerek y\u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fc bulmam gerekti\u011fini anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Bast\u0131\u011f\u0131m verimli toprak \u00fcst\u00fcnde aya\u011fa kalkt\u0131m. Olduk\u00e7a uzakta ya\u015fl\u0131 bir g\u00fcnl\u00fck a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131nda bana el sallayan gen\u00e7 bir adam\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. O anda iki elimi birden kald\u0131rarak seslendim:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0\u201cBuras\u0131 koca orman. Neredeyse size ula\u015famayacakt\u0131m,\u201d derken h\u0131zla ona ko\u015fmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. O da bana do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu. Bitkin g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fc beni kayg\u0131land\u0131rmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Beklemesini s\u00f6yledim. \u0130yice yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, <\/span>\u00a0\u201c\u0130ki g\u00fcnd\u00fcr yolumu kaybettim. \u015euradaki birikintiler olmasa susuzlu\u011fa dayanamazd\u0131m\u201d dedi\u011fini duyabildim. Hemen o esmer delikanl\u0131n\u0131n koluna girdim. Biraz \u00f6tedeki g\u00f6lgeli\u011fe s\u00fcr\u00fckledim onu. Yar\u0131s\u0131 doluydu mataram\u0131n. Bir diki\u015fte hepsini i\u00e7ti. Nas\u0131l kayboldu\u011funu anlatmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bile:<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 \u201cPe\u015fimize d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. G\u00f6z\u00fc sevdi\u011fim o k\u0131zdan ba\u015fka bir \u015fey g\u00f6rm\u00fcyordu, \u00c7\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f palmiye g\u00f6vdelerinin alt\u0131nda s\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131p kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k. Sevdi\u011fim gecenin karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda bana sokulup, f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 Bizi iyice k\u0131st\u0131rd\u0131lar. Ba\u015faramayaca\u011f\u0131z. Ben sana k\u0131yamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in onlara s\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131yor gibi davranaca\u011f\u0131m. Sen bu palmiye g\u00f6vdelerinden birinin alt\u0131na kendin i\u00e7in kumu kazarak bir \u00e7ukur haz\u0131rla. Ben onlara teslim olunca seni art\u0131k aramazlar!\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 Bana anlat\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 kadar\u0131yla, o k\u0131z\u0131n laciverte d\u00f6nen g\u00f6lgeleriyle \u00f6ylesine kararl\u0131 bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131 vard\u0131 ki, a\u011fz\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kan her s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fc birer buyrukmu\u015fcas\u0131na yerine getirerek canlar\u0131n\u0131 kurtarabildiler. Ama s\u0131kl\u0131kla uykusundan onu s\u0131\u00e7ratarak uyand\u0131ran karabasanlarda yinelendi\u011fi gibi, sevgilisini o ya\u015f\u0131 ilerlemi\u015f sap\u0131\u011fa kapt\u0131rmas\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc defalarca ya\u015famaktan kurtulamayacakt\u0131. Ke\u015ffedilmeyen zaman\u0131n bir ucunda tutsak kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 Kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m ki\u015filerden dinledi\u011fim \u00f6yk\u00fclerden yakalad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ip u\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n pe\u015findeydim. Bu anlat\u0131mlar\u0131n bana verdi\u011fi, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ger\u00e7ekli\u011fin par\u00e7alar\u0131yd\u0131. B\u00f6ylelikle an\u0131msamaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ge\u00e7mi\u015fimi yeniden kurguluyor, kendime g\u00fcvenimi tazeliyordum. Bundan da b\u00fcy\u00fck bir mutluluk duyuyordum. Ge\u00e7mi\u015fimin bir\u00e7ok zaman kesitinde yer ald\u0131\u011f\u0131na inand\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu delikanl\u0131y\u0131 b\u00f6yle \u00e7aresizlik i\u00e7inde b\u0131rakamazd\u0131m. Bunalt\u0131l\u0131 belle\u011fini toparlar, diye bu orman\u0131n ka\u00e7 zamand\u0131r b\u00f6ylesine geni\u015f alana yay\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 konusunda konu\u015farak onu y\u00fcr\u00fctt\u00fcm. B\u00fcy\u00fck k\u00f6y\u00fcn bulundu\u011fu yeri sezinledi\u011fim o k\u0131y\u0131lara do\u011fru ilerledik. Buna \u201cs\u00fcr\u00fcklemek\u201d ya da tek beden olmu\u015f iki varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n adeta bir y\u0131lana d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ferek \u201cs\u00fcr\u00fcnmesi\u201d de denebilir. Bu olay\u0131 kim, nas\u0131l anlat\u0131ma d\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f olursa olsun art\u0131k kurtulmu\u015ftuk. \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 Gittik\u00e7e b\u00fcy\u00fcy\u00fcp turizme a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, eski ilkel g\u00fczelli\u011fini yitirmi\u015f bal\u0131k\u00e7\u0131 k\u00f6y\u00fc sanki ba\u015ftan yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir zaman boyutu d\u00fczleminde yan\u0131lg\u0131lar zinciri ya\u015famaktayd\u0131.\u00a0 Beni ve esmer delikanl\u0131y\u0131 k\u00f6y\u00fcn yak\u0131n\u0131ndaki adada korumaya almak isteyen bal\u0131k\u00e7\u0131 \u00f6leli neredeyse iki y\u00fcz elli y\u0131l olmu\u015ftu. Her k\u00f6yl\u00fc ayr\u0131 bir tarih vererek bal\u0131k\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6m\u00fc t\u00f6renini anlat\u0131rlarken, akl\u0131m\u0131 daha da kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131racak olay-olgu \u00f6rg\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc devreye sokuyorlard\u0131. Bunca insanl\u0131k ser\u00fcveni nas\u0131l ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015f olabilirdi? Hangi zaman\u0131n halkalar\u0131 bir araya gelmi\u015fti de bilinmeyen bir g\u00fc\u00e7, durmadan kar\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0131kan yeni kimliklerle, benim\u00a0 ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 da, belle\u011fimden silinen ge\u00e7mi\u015fimi istemesem de ba\u015ftan ya\u015famam gerekti\u011fini buyuran ba\u015fka bir d\u00fczen dayat\u0131l\u0131yordu. Yeniden ba\u015fa d\u00f6n\u00fcyordum. Bu gen\u00e7 adam, b\u00fcy\u00fck olas\u0131l\u0131kla kendisine bir gelecek kurgulayabilecekti. Karabasanlarla ya da umut d\u00fc\u015fleriyle donat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f \u0131\u015f\u0131lt\u0131l\u0131 bir gelecekti bu.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 B\u00fct\u00fcn atomlar\u0131 sonsuzca par\u00e7alara ay\u0131rman\u0131n zaman\u0131 gelmi\u015fti sanki. Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m t\u00fcm ayr\u0131nt\u0131lara bu i\u015flemi uygulamak do\u011fru olur muydu? Ge\u00e7mi\u015fteki ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 al\u0131p, koskoca bir ya\u015fam \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fc i\u00e7ine y\u00fcklemek gibi bir kucak a\u00e7may\u0131 anlay\u0131\u015fla kar\u015f\u0131lamam olmayacak bir y\u00f6neli\u015fti. An\u0131msad\u0131\u011f\u0131m sevgili e\u015fime bir yer ay\u0131r\u0131nca anlay\u0131\u015fla kar\u015f\u0131lad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir s\u0131\u011f\u0131nak oluyordu bana! \u201cSevecenlik,\u201d deyince, b\u00fct\u00fcn ge\u00e7mi\u015fimi kalabal\u0131kla\u015ft\u0131racak bir sonu\u00e7 yaratabilece\u011fi i\u00e7in olduk\u00e7a tedirgindim.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0 Kayna\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kestiremedi\u011fim bir ayd\u0131nl\u0131k, art\u0131k b\u00fct\u00fcn alg\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131, ana karaya do\u011fru uzan\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131 \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011fa bo\u011fuyordu.<\/span><\/p>\n Aral\u0131k 2024<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u00a0 \u201cBunca yolu y\u00fcr\u00fcyerek mi t\u00fcm ihtimallerin sonuna gelmi\u015ftim? \u0130lk ad\u0131m\u0131m\u0131 att\u0131\u011f\u0131m an\u0131 an\u0131ms\u0131yorum. Alacakaranl\u0131kt\u0131. Ad\u0131mlar\u0131m\u0131 bir ko\u015fuya d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcrd\u00fck\u00e7e karanl\u0131\u011fa g\u00f6m\u00fclmekte oldu\u011fumu anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Yeni s\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f, kabart\u0131lm\u0131\u015f topra\u011f\u0131yla ekime haz\u0131r bir tarlada ikide bir t\u00f6kezlemeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Art\u0131k \u00e7evremi g\u00f6remez olmu\u015ftum. Durdum. Olduk\u00e7a uzun bir zaman\u0131 uyuklayarak ge\u00e7irmi\u015ftim. Sanki topra\u011f\u0131n o s\u0131cak nemini i\u00e7ime \u00e7ekerek durmadan k\u00f6k salan, g\u00fc\u00e7lenen tohumdum ben. \u00d6ylesine mutluydum ki, uyan\u0131nca y\u00fcr\u00fcyebilecek miyim kayg\u0131s\u0131 akl\u0131ma bile gelmemi\u015fti. \u015eu ayak bast\u0131\u011f\u0131m yeni d\u00fcnyada soluk al\u0131p vermeyi \u00f6\u011frenmem gerekiyor; becerebilecek miydim? Yoksa ana rahminin o uykuya \u00e7a\u011f\u0131ran kucaklay\u0131c\u0131 ritmiyle ad\u0131mlar atma denemelerini s\u00fcrd\u00fcrmekle mi yetinecektim?\u00a0 \u00a0 Beni ayakta tutan … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1094,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1204","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-oykuleri"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziyagurel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1204","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziyagurel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziyagurel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziyagurel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziyagurel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1204"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/ziyagurel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1204\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1205,"href":"https:\/\/ziyagurel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1204\/revisions\/1205"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziyagurel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1094"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziyagurel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1204"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziyagurel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1204"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziyagurel.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1204"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}